Out in the real world

1. After looking at he sweaty haired toddler, determine he desperately needs a haircut
2. RIGHT NOW
3. Get out the haircutting supplies while feeding self delusions of grandeur
4. Put cape around toddler, which he promptly tears off
5. Pick up the first piece of hair, hold it lovingly between fingers
6. Begin cutting the perfect hair cut
7. Toddler shakes his head furiously
8. Resulting in a bald spot
9. Delusions of giving the perfect haircut, where strangers would approach and ask for the name of my toddler hairdresser and then look at me incredulously and utter, “wow, you cut hair? You are amazing!” are shattered
10. Pin toddler between knees
11. Let toddler lose exactly 3.5 seconds later after fearing the neighborhood windows will shatter from his piercing screams
12. Scream, “Baby you’re so going to lose an ear if you keep up the writhing!”
13. Employ new method of haircutting, a.k.a how much worse could it look
14. Grab and cut random patches of hair
15. while following behind the running toddler
16. Running with scissors near son’s head
17. now THAT is behavior you hope your children will model
18. Encourage 3 yr old to have a turn cutting toddler’s hair
19. good parenting at it’s finest
20. This way when people ask if a child cut the toddler’s hair the answer is truthfully, yes
21. Wonder how a baby crew cut would look
22. Decide, wisely, against getting out the clippers
23. Realize there is a special place in hell for people who cut their own toddler’s hair
24. At least he has those dimples to distract people, and a cute sun hat
25. And really, does anyone who still craps their pants care what their hair looks like